There
is an axiom that; the way you got married isn't the way you'll get divorced.
Whiles marriage is cemented by a mutual decision by two persons and their
families, divorce is almost always unilateral. It’s not a democracy. One person
gets to decide the fate of not only the marriage but the family.
Until
recently, divorce was a taboo in the African setting. If a couple got married
then, it was for better, for worse, till death did them a part. Unfortunately
the sanctity of the institution of marriage in Africa particularly Ghana has
been perforated and diffused by “unnecessary” pressures of the world and the
infiltration of the western culture.
Divorce
or the dissolution of marriage, according to the Wikipedia, the on-line
dictionary, is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal
duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony
between the parties involved.
The
Ghana Statistical Service reported that nearly 600,000 marriages contracted in
Ghana have collapsed, more than three times the divorce cases of England and
Wales put together in 2012. The reasons for this alarming figures are not
far-fetched. It is often said that the reasons that compel any couple to
divorce predate the marriage. In other words, the couple knew the reasons
before they said ‘I do’, but they decided to ignore them.
Whiles men go into marriage for the two
reasons of a woman’s beauty and their very canal desire for legal and regular
sex, women on the other hand want comfort and good sex.[https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/marriage]
Sadly
the subject of sex is hardly discussed among married couples in Ghana because
society frowns against it. This has been hampering the desire of couples to
frankly discussed sex lives to achieve maximum satisfaction. A husband or a wife
who whose sexual desire are not being met in a marriage would be compelled to
look elsewhere for a good satisfaction. Infidelity or extra marital affair as
it may be called is one major cause of the increase in divorce. Therefore low
or lack of sexual gratification is a recipe for divorce.
Africans
have always resolved conflicts by going to the Elders in the
Village
or among the extended family. And in Africa a marriage is never just an affair
between two individuals. It is also an alliance between two families. And in a
certain sense whole villages or clans are involved. [Mr.
Femi Awodele the Executive Director of Christian Couples Fellowship International,
Inc.].
To this end it is difficult for couples to separate
in marriages because most issues that might spark divorces are often nib in the
bud by elders in the two families. However the infiltration of the western culture
have reduced this social emphasis on marriage and gradually making it a more individualistic
concept. The rejection of the broader
social commitment that Africans have always connected with marriage has
generated the tendency of looking up to the nuclear marriage system, which to a
large extend collapse marriages. The introduction of the new media such as
whatsapp, facebook, and twitter among others has made couples more exposed to
temptations of fornication. Avenues like, workplaces, clubs, game centers,
cinema halls, shopping malls and unions have made it easier for people to
create acquaintances. [ www.enotalone.com]
Such avenues as well as the virtual platforms
are viable grounds for infidelity and break of marriage especially those who
cannot decouple their casual friends from their love partners.
Also
“unnecessary” pressures and physical abuse resulting from the demands of the
modern world have become precursors of separations in marriages. Pressure to
gather enough money for the family, pressure from the workplace, peer pressure
may result in an individual leading a highly stressed out lifestyle. As the
stress accumulates, it automatically searches for avenues to let out the steam.
The easiest avenue is one’s spouse. Thus a small argument may turn into a big
fight and it may result in applying violent method on the part of the husband
or wife. Long term physical abuse can be a major factor in the decision to file
for divorce.
Although
the western culture have also had a positive impact on African marriages
particularly in the case of discussing partners’ sex lives without restrictions,
Msgr. Burke in January 1987 at a conference organized by the "Istituto per
la Cooperazione Universitaria" (ICU), Rome, said, this liberalization has
open the flood gates for immorality and sexual incontinence.
It
may be helpful to understand that divorce rate in the United States is the
highest in the world. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. Sixty-seven
percent of all second marriages end in divorce. This obviously makes the
situation of the modern Africans a clone to what is happening in the western
world.
The psychological
and emotional effects of divorce are enormous.
First
of all its dissolution can be painful to all concerned. Alcoholism is much more
likely to be a problem among those who have been divorced than those who have
not. Those divorced only once have almost twice the rate of alcoholism as those
who have never been divorced. The suicide rate is almost three times higher
among the divorced than among life-long spouses. Statistical data have revealed that children
of divorced parents are much more likely to drop out of school than children
from one-time-married couples. The children of divorced parents are more likely
to become “teen parents,” producing out-of-wedlock babies, than the children of
life-long married parents. The children of divorced parents are three times
more likely to have emotional or behavioral problems than they will have if
their biological parents stay together. [Stanton, Glenn T. 1997. Why Marriage Matters:
Reasons to Believe in Marriage in Post-Modern Society. Colorado Springs, CO:
Pinon Press]
From the
above the evidence is clear that the prevalence rate of divorce Africa is
mostly due to over westernization of nearly all aspects of our lives as
Africans. In as much as changes are inevitable in every society, in accepting
such changes, let us be circumspect not throw some good values of our existing
culture.The kinship system of Africa is a strong one capable of building strong
marriages.
By
King Norbert Akpablie
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